I am so grateful.
I realize that I have so much to be grateful for, and that it's unfortunate that sometimes I lose sight of just how much I have. I'm not just talking about physical possessions or 'stuff' either, I mean things like: my health; a family who loves me unconditionally; a husband who's support has been unwavering (even during the toughest times); friends who really see ME; the ability to feel safe enough to take chances. These are the things that if you are fortunate to have that you cannot lose sight of or take for granted. In the times where I'm not feeling well or feeling a little 'stuck in a rut', it is extremely helpful to remind myself of all of the things I have in my life to be grateful for. Now, this is not always easy, actually sometimes it feels impossible to do. But as hard as it might feel in the moment of darkness, a time always comes where I can remind myself that I am alright, and can begin again to see what is true. Weirdly enough, a lot of what I'm most grateful for is not the good stuff, it's going through the struggles I've had that have made me the person I am today. I know that every single one of my experiences has prepared me for the next step on this journey. And for that I am so grateful!
I haven't gotten to where I am right now on my own. I have had A LOT of help. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that I needed a lot of help too (who doesn't?)! There is nothing wrong with coming to the realization that you need assistance. We are here, on this earth, for that very reason - to assist one another. I have been blessed with mentors and guides in my life that have helped to clear out the darkness and make room for the light. They have shown me that there is more to life than I once thought and they have empowered me to grow into the person that I came here to be. Never be afraid to ask for help. If the first person you ask doesn't work out, keep on asking. I can assure you that if you put the request out there - you will receive it. It doesn't always happen right away. Sometimes even it might even take months or years, but it will come! Look around at your life and focus on the things that you're grateful for, even if you can only think of one or two things, show your gratitude for them. The list will start to grow as you get used to looking through the perspective of being grateful. Tell the people in your life how much you appreciate them. Don't let another day go by without letting them know exactly how you feel. Life is a gift that we cannot take for granted. So, look around and realize all of the amazing things that you've experienced (good and bad) have happened so that you can become the person you came here to be. Be thankful for that because there is and always will be only one YOU! Celebrate your uniqueness and share it with others!
As my departure draws even nearer I am seeing everyday the impact that going on this trip is having, not only on my life, but in the lives of the people around me. I have been very pleasantly surprised at the overwhelming response and outpouring of love and support from family and friends. It is so empowering! With every hug I've received and every kind word of encouragement I am feeling so full of love which will enable me to pass it on to the women and children I'll be with in Kenya. I wanted everyone to know just how much your support means to me. I may be going there on my own, but I will have you all with me there in my heart!
THANK YOU!!!!!
xo Erin
Monday 23 July 2012
Monday 9 July 2012
Faith not fear
When you are in 'good' health it is so easy to take it for granted. You wake up, get out of bed, and start your day without a second thought of how you physically did any of this. Your mind is free to start planning out your road map of the day ahead of you. It isn't until your health goes away (or goes on strike) that you truly understand and acknowledge the depth of its value. I have realized that it is probably the thing that is most taken for granted, especially here in North America. We complain at the whisper of pain, because we are not used to respecting and listening to our bodies, how they function, and often fear them. Pain is something that we are afraid of. I used to be deathly afraid of pain. It is uncomfortable, unbearable at times, but in my own experience pain was something that I didn't hide from or try to escape. Pain was telling me that I was not on the right track and that it was time for a re-evaluation. For five years I fought the pain in my head a neck as hard as I could. The more I fought, the stronger the pain got to be. The more I resisted listening to the pain, the louder it got. I learned that if I stopped fighting it and started hearing what it was saying, the 'fight' between me and body could end. Don't get me wrong though, it wasn't like, 'Okay, now that I know this pain is trying to tell me something I can just listen and everything will be perfect' - not even close! It was hard. Really hard. Some days it's still hard! I had to reconnect to my body again. After years of debilitating headaches I had literally disconnected from myself. Erin had left the building! When you hear the term 'mind-body connection', you might think it sounds a little woo-woo hoo-hoo, I did at first. No one in pain wants to further connect to that pain - that would be crazy - it freaking hurts! But it is 100% the key to understanding and deciphering the message your body is giving you. The more it hurts, the more you need to hear it, and possibly, the more closed off you are to receiving the message. If you're really stubborn - like me - know that the pain will not give up on you. In my opinion, pain is not a separate entity - it is the part of me that sees the potential within me. It sees what is possible and gets frustrated that I can't or choose not to acknowledge it. It knows your capabilities and if you are not taking the necessary attempts to make use of them or are stuck - it will kick your butt - until you wake up to your own potential. And let me tell you waking up has never felt so good!
Almost exactly to the day, it has been 5 years since I had to stop working due to the overwhelming amount of pain. This has been a process. I have realized, after way more time than I'm willing to admit, that I needed the pain in order to wake up. The body has a signalling system that when you learn how to listen to it it will reveal a multitude of insights you didn't even know you were hiding away from yourself. Just like without the darkness we would not be able to appreciate the light, without feeling crappy we won't fully appreciate how amazing it is to feel awesome! I spent a lot of time in the darkness and I think it's important that people know that. I made the choice to live - fully - knowing that will entail good/bad dark/light pain/pleasure. That is faith.
Here's a quote from my favourite song right now~ Faith Not Fear by Laura Reed (I have had it on repeat all weekend!)
Life can either build you up, or it can bring you down
The truth is that it’s up to you, to smile or to frown
Without a test you wouldn’t have a testimony
Without a fight you’d never have a Victory!
Faith not fear, brought me here
Gotta follow my fire
Faith not fear, now is here
Live life inspired.
We can be afraid of the unknown, and try to control everything, or we can have faith that what is meant to be will be. You can choose fear and pain - or you can choose love and light. As human beings we have one job - and that is to be the best version of ourselves that we can. If we help each other and have grace with one another, it will be a lot easier. We must understand and realize that everyone comes to the table with their own bushel full of hurts, pains, wounds, etc. We are all in this game of life together - and all experiencing similar situations and feelings - and if we can begin to treat each other with the respect and dignity we all deserve it will bring about a peace that we have never seen.
Almost exactly to the day, it has been 5 years since I had to stop working due to the overwhelming amount of pain. This has been a process. I have realized, after way more time than I'm willing to admit, that I needed the pain in order to wake up. The body has a signalling system that when you learn how to listen to it it will reveal a multitude of insights you didn't even know you were hiding away from yourself. Just like without the darkness we would not be able to appreciate the light, without feeling crappy we won't fully appreciate how amazing it is to feel awesome! I spent a lot of time in the darkness and I think it's important that people know that. I made the choice to live - fully - knowing that will entail good/bad dark/light pain/pleasure. That is faith.
Here's a quote from my favourite song right now~ Faith Not Fear by Laura Reed (I have had it on repeat all weekend!)
Life can either build you up, or it can bring you down
The truth is that it’s up to you, to smile or to frown
Without a test you wouldn’t have a testimony
Without a fight you’d never have a Victory!
Faith not fear, brought me here
Gotta follow my fire
Faith not fear, now is here
Live life inspired.
We can be afraid of the unknown, and try to control everything, or we can have faith that what is meant to be will be. You can choose fear and pain - or you can choose love and light. As human beings we have one job - and that is to be the best version of ourselves that we can. If we help each other and have grace with one another, it will be a lot easier. We must understand and realize that everyone comes to the table with their own bushel full of hurts, pains, wounds, etc. We are all in this game of life together - and all experiencing similar situations and feelings - and if we can begin to treat each other with the respect and dignity we all deserve it will bring about a peace that we have never seen.
Wednesday 27 June 2012
One month to go!
Today marks the one-month mark until I leave for Africa! I have gotten all of my shots, applied for my travel visa, and booked my flights - I honestly cannot believe how quickly it is approaching! As my departure draws near I am filled with a mixture of excitement, nervousness, and exhilaration. It is a surreal feeling to know that you are about to embark on something so HUGE.
I read this earlier this week and I wanted to share it. It is a quote taken from an interview with Henry Rollins about his passion for travel and how it has humbled him:
"I beg young people to travel. If you don’t have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. Eat interesting food. Dig some interesting people. Have an adventure. Be careful. Come back and you’re going to see your country differently, you’re going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You’re going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. You’re going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can’t get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people come back and go, Ohhhhh. And the light bulb goes on." http://www.worldhum.com/features/travel-interviews/interview-with-henry-rollins-punk-rock-travel-20111101/
Perspective. I think that I am most looking forward to gaining a new perspective. To travel to a country where you see so many people who have so little, but are still willing and able to give. As Rollins so eloquently states:
" The fact that you can go to a place like Vietnam where we just toxified, burned to the ground and defoliated that country to the point where they’re still having developmental problems with kids from Agent Orange four generations later and they bend over backwards to be friendly. And you go to parts of Africa like Southern Sudan where they’re literally walking over the bullet casings from a 22-year war and they go out of their way to make sure you’re fed. These journeys have made me appreciate the resiliency and buoyancy of homo sapiens."
While we are busy worrying about our plans for the long-weekend, or our to-do lists, there are millions of people all over the world who are focused solely on whether they will survive today. It seems absolutely crazy to me that this is still how it is in across the globe. In the year 2012 we still have not found a way to join together, with all members of the human race, and help to lift each other up. I am going to Kenya to help people - but I know without a doubt that, in fact, it is going to be the other way around. I know that through the people I will get to meet, the places I will see, and experiences I will have, my eyes will be opened and it will be my perspective that is expanded. I think that is one distinction that is really important for me to be clear on. I have a story to share, I am a teacher, I love children, and I want to make a difference in the world - but I also know that more so it will be me who will learn and grow by being there.
In preparing for our trip everyone in the group was assigned mini-research projects on various aspects of life in Kenya. My group is researching music and dance in Kenya. As I began to research the music I needed a brief history lesson on Kenya. In the 1890s, with the onset of colonization, the British entered the country on a mission to 'help' the Kenyan people to become more 'civilized'. As a result, and because of the refusal of the British and the majority of Christian missionaries to adapt to Kenya, never mind adopt some of its traditions, this meant that traditional societies were forced to abandon their old beliefs, customs and traditions. Music, of course, is one of those traditions that has been all but lost.
The importance of music and dance and the role that it plays in the maintenance of traditional culture cannot be overemphasized. It was precisely because of this that music and dance were singled out for extermination by missionaries and colonial authorities. Normally, in a society where old ceremonies, songs and dances, are no longer relevant, they will cease to exist, and will be replaced with something more appropriate. But the problem in the Kenyan context is not that the old ways have changed, but that the old ways have been destroyed.
It is a tragedy that so much rich and vibrant cultural history has been wiped from existence because of the agenda of a certain group of people. This honestly horrified me, and I quickly realized just how important it is to me that to be very clear about my intentions for this trip. I want to learn and be immersed in the culture - not turn it into mine; I want to share my love for dance - and experience dance and music in the land where it was born; I want to connect with people - because at the end of the day we are all in bodies on this planet right now for a reason. The power that comes from joining hands and working together is unmatched. I am on a mission - but not that kind of mission! My mission is to connect people with their hearts, which in turn will allow us all to connect - and once that happens it will be magical...
I read this earlier this week and I wanted to share it. It is a quote taken from an interview with Henry Rollins about his passion for travel and how it has humbled him:
"I beg young people to travel. If you don’t have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. Eat interesting food. Dig some interesting people. Have an adventure. Be careful. Come back and you’re going to see your country differently, you’re going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You’re going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. You’re going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can’t get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people come back and go, Ohhhhh. And the light bulb goes on." http://www.worldhum.com/features/travel-interviews/interview-with-henry-rollins-punk-rock-travel-20111101/
Perspective. I think that I am most looking forward to gaining a new perspective. To travel to a country where you see so many people who have so little, but are still willing and able to give. As Rollins so eloquently states:
" The fact that you can go to a place like Vietnam where we just toxified, burned to the ground and defoliated that country to the point where they’re still having developmental problems with kids from Agent Orange four generations later and they bend over backwards to be friendly. And you go to parts of Africa like Southern Sudan where they’re literally walking over the bullet casings from a 22-year war and they go out of their way to make sure you’re fed. These journeys have made me appreciate the resiliency and buoyancy of homo sapiens."
While we are busy worrying about our plans for the long-weekend, or our to-do lists, there are millions of people all over the world who are focused solely on whether they will survive today. It seems absolutely crazy to me that this is still how it is in across the globe. In the year 2012 we still have not found a way to join together, with all members of the human race, and help to lift each other up. I am going to Kenya to help people - but I know without a doubt that, in fact, it is going to be the other way around. I know that through the people I will get to meet, the places I will see, and experiences I will have, my eyes will be opened and it will be my perspective that is expanded. I think that is one distinction that is really important for me to be clear on. I have a story to share, I am a teacher, I love children, and I want to make a difference in the world - but I also know that more so it will be me who will learn and grow by being there.
In preparing for our trip everyone in the group was assigned mini-research projects on various aspects of life in Kenya. My group is researching music and dance in Kenya. As I began to research the music I needed a brief history lesson on Kenya. In the 1890s, with the onset of colonization, the British entered the country on a mission to 'help' the Kenyan people to become more 'civilized'. As a result, and because of the refusal of the British and the majority of Christian missionaries to adapt to Kenya, never mind adopt some of its traditions, this meant that traditional societies were forced to abandon their old beliefs, customs and traditions. Music, of course, is one of those traditions that has been all but lost.
The importance of music and dance and the role that it plays in the maintenance of traditional culture cannot be overemphasized. It was precisely because of this that music and dance were singled out for extermination by missionaries and colonial authorities. Normally, in a society where old ceremonies, songs and dances, are no longer relevant, they will cease to exist, and will be replaced with something more appropriate. But the problem in the Kenyan context is not that the old ways have changed, but that the old ways have been destroyed.
It is a tragedy that so much rich and vibrant cultural history has been wiped from existence because of the agenda of a certain group of people. This honestly horrified me, and I quickly realized just how important it is to me that to be very clear about my intentions for this trip. I want to learn and be immersed in the culture - not turn it into mine; I want to share my love for dance - and experience dance and music in the land where it was born; I want to connect with people - because at the end of the day we are all in bodies on this planet right now for a reason. The power that comes from joining hands and working together is unmatched. I am on a mission - but not that kind of mission! My mission is to connect people with their hearts, which in turn will allow us all to connect - and once that happens it will be magical...
Tuesday 19 June 2012
The adventure begins...
In a little over one month I will be travelling to Nairobi, Kenya! I will make the nearly 20-hour trip, by myself, where I will meet up with a dear friend for a few days of visiting. From there I will join up with a group of almost 20 amazing individuals with the Global Groove Foundation and we will travel to Ngong Hills to work with Living Positive Kenya, a non-governmental organization (NGO), seeking to improve the physical and psychological health, and to develop the social economic status, of women infected and affected by HIV/AIDS and their families in the slums. With the Global Groove Foundation we will deliver education and resources to empower the women and children to create happy and healthy communities using the universal language of dance - but more on that later!
As I am becoming well-aware, life is a journey - not a destination. There is no defined finished line for when we finally get there (wherever 'there' is). We are here on this earth to learn and grow. When we are young we often think that "growing up" means going to school, choosing a profession and partner and settling down. For many people this formula works fine, but for others, they realize that their formula for happiness/success/fulfillment is drastically different. I was shown, in the form of chronic, severe headaches over the course of nearly 5 years, that I was using a formula that really didn't fit me. I was trying to fit myself into 'the box' and in doing so I was literally hurting myself. So how do you move forward from there? How do you admit to yourself that you have been living according to someone else's idea of how things should be done and you literally feel stifled? And, what can you do to change it? For me, it started with surrounding myself with the things that I loved to do. As a life-long dancer it didn't take me long to turn back to my passion for expressing myself through movement. After years of dealing with chronic pain, I had to re-establish my mind-body connection. I actually had to learn how to listen to my body again. Due to the overwhelming pain I had disconnected myself completely - never wanting to feel anything - good or bad. I had to accept the fact that opening myself up to wanting to feel again meant that I would have to feel everything. After being numb for so long it was shocking to feel again. It was like sensory overload, at first. But slowly, my body started responding in familiar ways - and as I began to dance again (I just realized the other day that I completely stopped dancing for almost 6 years!) my muscle memory kicked into high gear. The body is a truly remarkable thing! When I took my first GROOVE class http://www.thegroovemethod.com/ (check it out!) it became apparent that GROOVING instantaneously establishes that connection, and it doesn't matter where you live we ALL need that direct connection with ourselves.
I met countless doctors, specialists and professionals on my journey to recovering myself. There are a handful of people that stand out for me as being instrumental in empowering me to be in control of my recovery. The people who helped me the most were the ones who gave me the tools to help myself. We all have the ability to heal ourselves, it's a matter of listening to our bodies - they will tell us what they need!
So I decided to live according to my own formula for happiness. That is to spend everyday doing what I love to do. To express the gratitude that I have for the lessons that this experience taught me, not only about myself, but about life in general. Oh, and since I made this decision, the most amazing things have started happening! As I began to dance and teach again and move my body I was reminded of just how powerful a tool and platform dance can be. Dance truly is a universal language - if you have a beat in your heart, you can dance. I saw how healing dancing was for my body and spirit and was reconnected with a beautiful friend, Brooke, who was planning a trip to Kenya to work with women and children affected by HIV/AIDS. When Brooke spoke of her trip to Living Positive Kenya a year earlier, she shared with me how groundbreaking the dancing had been for the women at the centre. These women who have been through unspeakable cruelties, who were unable to move at the beginning of the week, paralyzed by pain and suffering, were able to find joy and elation through dance. And like beautiful petals unfurling, layer by layer, the women began to open up to each other, but most importantly to their own potential. Listening to the impact of this trip, it was never more clear to me just how much in common I do have with women in Africa and a way that I could actually give back! Helping someone is not limited to grand gestures of wealth or generosity. Up until that point I thought that making a difference was reserved for special people. It wasn't until then that I realized that I could make a difference and actually help people by just being me and sharing my own experiences.
The Global Groove Foundation is a grassroots organization that delivers education and resources to empower leaders throughout the world to create healthy and happy communities using dance. We provide holistic programming, based on The GROOVE Method™, to develop skills that foster physical, social and spiritual well-being. We seek to implement culturally appropriate projects that can be sustained and evolved at the local level. Through this work, we aspire to build community and relations on a global scale that celebrates our diversity. OUR VALUES ~ CommUNITY, leadership, simplicity, health, ridiculous fun
Living Positive Kenya is dedicated to alleviating the suffering of orphans and vulnerable children by providing them with health care, education, income generating programs and rehabilitation. The goal is to make them more independent, healthier, happier and stronger citizens. Furthermore, LPK moves towards fighting stigmatization of those infected with HIV/AIDS and encourages a deep change of attitude towards this global pandemic. HIV/AIDS can no longer be isolated as a health problem, but rather, considered as a social and economic burden to all the members of the affected societies.
As I am becoming well-aware, life is a journey - not a destination. There is no defined finished line for when we finally get there (wherever 'there' is). We are here on this earth to learn and grow. When we are young we often think that "growing up" means going to school, choosing a profession and partner and settling down. For many people this formula works fine, but for others, they realize that their formula for happiness/success/fulfillment is drastically different. I was shown, in the form of chronic, severe headaches over the course of nearly 5 years, that I was using a formula that really didn't fit me. I was trying to fit myself into 'the box' and in doing so I was literally hurting myself. So how do you move forward from there? How do you admit to yourself that you have been living according to someone else's idea of how things should be done and you literally feel stifled? And, what can you do to change it? For me, it started with surrounding myself with the things that I loved to do. As a life-long dancer it didn't take me long to turn back to my passion for expressing myself through movement. After years of dealing with chronic pain, I had to re-establish my mind-body connection. I actually had to learn how to listen to my body again. Due to the overwhelming pain I had disconnected myself completely - never wanting to feel anything - good or bad. I had to accept the fact that opening myself up to wanting to feel again meant that I would have to feel everything. After being numb for so long it was shocking to feel again. It was like sensory overload, at first. But slowly, my body started responding in familiar ways - and as I began to dance again (I just realized the other day that I completely stopped dancing for almost 6 years!) my muscle memory kicked into high gear. The body is a truly remarkable thing! When I took my first GROOVE class http://www.thegroovemethod.com/ (check it out!) it became apparent that GROOVING instantaneously establishes that connection, and it doesn't matter where you live we ALL need that direct connection with ourselves.
I met countless doctors, specialists and professionals on my journey to recovering myself. There are a handful of people that stand out for me as being instrumental in empowering me to be in control of my recovery. The people who helped me the most were the ones who gave me the tools to help myself. We all have the ability to heal ourselves, it's a matter of listening to our bodies - they will tell us what they need!
So I decided to live according to my own formula for happiness. That is to spend everyday doing what I love to do. To express the gratitude that I have for the lessons that this experience taught me, not only about myself, but about life in general. Oh, and since I made this decision, the most amazing things have started happening! As I began to dance and teach again and move my body I was reminded of just how powerful a tool and platform dance can be. Dance truly is a universal language - if you have a beat in your heart, you can dance. I saw how healing dancing was for my body and spirit and was reconnected with a beautiful friend, Brooke, who was planning a trip to Kenya to work with women and children affected by HIV/AIDS. When Brooke spoke of her trip to Living Positive Kenya a year earlier, she shared with me how groundbreaking the dancing had been for the women at the centre. These women who have been through unspeakable cruelties, who were unable to move at the beginning of the week, paralyzed by pain and suffering, were able to find joy and elation through dance. And like beautiful petals unfurling, layer by layer, the women began to open up to each other, but most importantly to their own potential. Listening to the impact of this trip, it was never more clear to me just how much in common I do have with women in Africa and a way that I could actually give back! Helping someone is not limited to grand gestures of wealth or generosity. Up until that point I thought that making a difference was reserved for special people. It wasn't until then that I realized that I could make a difference and actually help people by just being me and sharing my own experiences.
The Global Groove Foundation is a grassroots organization that delivers education and resources to empower leaders throughout the world to create healthy and happy communities using dance. We provide holistic programming, based on The GROOVE Method™, to develop skills that foster physical, social and spiritual well-being. We seek to implement culturally appropriate projects that can be sustained and evolved at the local level. Through this work, we aspire to build community and relations on a global scale that celebrates our diversity. OUR VALUES ~ CommUNITY, leadership, simplicity, health, ridiculous fun
In addition to GROOVE method Dance Leader Training, a GROOVE method Community Support Program and GROOVE method Kids Community Master Classes our group will also provide Living Positive with training in organic, sustainable gardening, as well as health and wellness workshops and healing meditation. Health education is the other aspect of the sustainable farm project. We will design and provide workshops for the women of Living Positive on basic nutrition, self care, HIV/AIDS and Cancer prevention and how to prepare vegetables and herbs that will grow in their gardens. Our daily workshops centre on “food as medicine”, exploring various local herbs and plants that support immunity followed by daily healing meditations.
If you would like to help out there are a few different ways to do so. Donations can be made directly to the Global Groove Foundation - you can go to the website http://globalgroovefoundation.com and click the 'donate' button. I am also conducting a personal fundraising campaign to help cover the costs of my volunteer trip to Kenya this August. 100% of donations made to me personally will go towards travel costs and are extremely appreciated!! Any amount makes a difference and your support in this cause that is so near to my heart really helps to propel my passion for change. We are all in this together!
xo Erin
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