Gratitude

I am so grateful.

I realize that I have so much to be grateful for, and that it's unfortunate that sometimes I lose sight of just how much I have. I'm not just talking about physical possessions or 'stuff' either, I mean things like: my health; a family who loves me unconditionally; a husband who's support has been unwavering (even during the toughest times); friends who really see ME; the ability to feel safe enough to take chances. These are the things that if you are fortunate to have that you cannot lose sight of or take for granted. In the times where I'm not feeling well or feeling a little 'stuck in a rut', it is extremely helpful to remind myself of all of the things I have in my life to be grateful for. Now, this is not always easy, actually sometimes it feels impossible to do. But as hard as it might feel in the moment of darkness, a time always comes where I can remind myself that I am alright, and can begin again to see what is true. Weirdly enough, a lot of what I'm most grateful for is not the good stuff, it's going through the struggles I've had that have made me the person I am today. I know that every single one of my experiences has prepared me for the next step on this journey. And for that I am so grateful!

I haven't gotten to where I am right now on my own. I have had A LOT of help. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that I needed a lot of help too (who doesn't?)! There is nothing wrong with coming to the realization that you need assistance. We are here, on this earth, for that very reason - to assist one another. I have been blessed with mentors and guides in my life that have helped to clear out the darkness and make room for the light. They have shown me that there is more to life than I once thought and they have empowered me to grow into the person that I came here to be. Never be afraid to ask for help. If the first person you ask doesn't work out, keep on asking. I can assure you that if you put the request out there - you will receive it. It doesn't always happen right away. Sometimes even it might even take months or years, but it will come! Look around at your life and focus on the things that you're grateful for, even if you can only think of one or two things, show your gratitude for them. The list will start to grow as you get used to looking through the perspective of being grateful. Tell the people in your life how much you appreciate them. Don't let another day go by without letting them know exactly how you feel. Life is a gift that we cannot take for granted. So, look around and realize all of the amazing things that you've experienced (good and bad) have happened so that you can become the person you came here to be. Be thankful for that because there is and always will be only one YOU! Celebrate your uniqueness and share it with others!

As my departure draws even nearer I am seeing everyday the impact that going on this trip is having, not only on my life, but in the lives of the people around me. I have been very pleasantly surprised at the overwhelming response and outpouring of love and support from family and friends. It is so empowering! With every hug I've received and every kind word of encouragement I am feeling so full of love which will enable me to pass it on to the women and children I'll be with in Kenya. I wanted everyone to know just how much your support means to me. I may be going there on my own, but I will have you all with me there in my heart!

THANK YOU!!!!!

xo Erin

Faith not fear

When you are in 'good' health it is so easy to take it for granted. You wake up, get out of bed, and start your day without a second thought of how you physically did any of this. Your mind is free to start planning out your road map of the day ahead of you. It isn't until your health goes away (or goes on strike) that you truly understand and acknowledge the depth of its value. I have realized that it is probably the thing that is most taken for granted, especially here in North America. We complain at the whisper of pain, because we are not used to respecting and listening to our bodies, how they function, and often fear them. Pain is something that we are afraid of. I used to be deathly afraid of pain. It is uncomfortable, unbearable at times, but in my own experience pain was something that I didn't hide from or try to escape. Pain was telling me that I was not on the right track and that it was time for a re-evaluation. For five years I fought the pain in my head a neck as hard as I could. The more I fought, the stronger the pain got to be. The more I resisted listening to the pain, the louder it got. I learned that if I stopped fighting it and started hearing what it was saying, the 'fight' between me and body could end. Don't get me wrong though, it wasn't like, 'Okay, now that I know this pain is trying to tell me something I can just listen and everything will be perfect' - not even close! It was hard. Really hard. Some days it's still hard! I had to reconnect to my body again. After years of debilitating headaches I had literally disconnected from myself. Erin had left the building! When you hear the term 'mind-body connection', you might think it sounds a little woo-woo hoo-hoo, I did at first. No one in pain wants to further connect to that pain - that would be crazy - it freaking hurts! But it is 100% the key to understanding and deciphering the message your body is giving you. The more it hurts, the more you need to hear it, and possibly, the more closed off you are to receiving the message. If you're really stubborn - like me - know that the pain will not give up on you. In my opinion, pain is not a separate entity - it is the part of me that sees the potential within me. It sees what is possible and gets frustrated that I can't or choose not to acknowledge it. It knows your capabilities and if you are not taking the necessary attempts to make use of them or are stuck - it will kick your butt - until you wake up to your own potential. And let me tell you waking up has never felt so good!

Almost exactly to the day, it has been 5 years since I had to stop working due to the overwhelming amount of pain. This has been a process. I have realized, after way more time than I'm willing to admit, that I needed the pain in order to wake up. The body has a signalling system that when you learn how to listen to it it will reveal a multitude of insights you didn't even know you were hiding away from yourself. Just like without the darkness we would not be able to appreciate the light, without feeling crappy we won't fully appreciate how amazing it is to feel awesome! I spent a lot of time in the darkness and I think it's important that people know that. I made the choice to live - fully - knowing that will entail good/bad dark/light pain/pleasure. That is faith.

Here's a quote from my favourite song right now~ Faith Not Fear by Laura Reed (I have had it on repeat all weekend!)


Life can either build you up, or it can bring you down
The truth is that it’s up to you, to smile or to frown
Without a test you wouldn’t have a testimony
Without a fight you’d never have a Victory!
Faith not fear, brought me here
Gotta follow my fire
Faith not fear, now is here
Live life inspired. 

We can be afraid of the unknown, and try to control everything, or we can have faith that what is meant to be will be. You can choose fear and pain - or you can choose love and light. As human beings we have one job - and that is to be the best version of ourselves that we can. If we help each other and have grace with one another, it will be a lot easier. We must understand and realize that everyone comes to the table with their own bushel full of hurts, pains, wounds, etc. We are all in this game of life together - and all experiencing similar situations and feelings - and if we can begin to treat each other with the respect and dignity we all deserve it will bring about a peace that we have never seen.